i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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