WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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