is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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