Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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