I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
