how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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