Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
