So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
