"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
