You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
