Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
