It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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