hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize