we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
