so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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