hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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