You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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