Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize