my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
