Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found puke in my bra..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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