we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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