And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
