i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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