Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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