He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize