When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
