I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
