I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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