I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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