I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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