i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
