i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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