I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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