should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
