A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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