there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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