I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
