So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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