grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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