he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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