I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
