I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
