My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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