State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
