is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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