he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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