I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
