My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
