Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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