I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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