dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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