I must be too annoying 4 u.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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