My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
