some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
