i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
