Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
