Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
