So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
