I just threw up on my dentist
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't turn off my feet"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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