She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's the barista slut.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
