Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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