I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
