There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
