I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
