he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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