Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
