STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
