He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
