dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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