I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
