My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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