I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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