wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i've created a new STD.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
