She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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