wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
