Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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