I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
