So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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